Shameful abandonment – Why I haven’t posted in five months

I admit it; I have committed a cardinal sin in the world of blogging. I have not written a post in months. It isn’t because I’ve fallen from the face of the earth, and yes, my brain still works. I still have a multitude of opinions and am abreast of the many events happening around me. So why the egregious neglect? 

 

I tried to come up with a reason that would warrant forgiveness and understanding, but the simple truth is that I haven’t made time. Not that I didn’t “have” time, but that I didn’t “make” time. Since I began writing for a living, I haven’t left much room for personal writing, off the clock. To be honest, my day job doesn’t contain itself to just happening in the day. Often I’m working from home in the evenings or on weekends. I’m not complaining because I love what I do. But once the job is done, I zone out.

 

I’m sure there are plenty of professional writers who still find time to update their blogs no matter what. Personally, I don’t have enough of a following to deem it a responsibility at this point. My musings tend to fare on the reflective side as opposed to being informative and I don’t believe my humble opinion is something the masses are thirsting for (yet…).

 

I have also found some topics truly intriguing and worthy of my two cents, only to get caught up in the whirlwind that is my paying job and miss the opportunity to capitalize on the effects of immediacy. 

 

My social media guru friend, Reem Abeidoh (aka Nomadelle) frequently admonishes me for not staying on top of my duties as a blogger but I’m usually dismissive. I tell her, “When the only people who come across my blog are those searching for ‘3-D Cybersex,’ I find it hard to focus on keeping it updated.” Sidebar: I wrote one post about relationships in Second Life and their effects on real-life relationships, and suddenly I’m high on the list for internet porn! 

 

Still, for the four of you (give or take a few) who come across this modest site every now and again, I owe it to you to provide you with some semblance of actually giving a heck about putting my thoughts out there. Clearly!

 

The Hunt for My Dream Job

I am the first person in my family to graduate from college. I left home with nothing to pursue a master’s degree, which I completed. I moved up the ranks at a company I’d been employed with for almost four years. And I accomplished these things well before reaching 30 years old. But something was missing.

The idea behind obtaining an advanced degree is typically to put it to use. There were a multitude of applications for my master’s in organizational communication, and I was chomping at the bit to find the right one for me. At least that was my intention, but making it work in theory was much easier than realizing it in real life. For the better part of a year, I found the true meaning of being on the grind.

I count myself as one of the many out there who were duped into believing a degree was as good as an invite to the party. I expected companies to scramble at my feet, vying to give me their best offer. “I mean, I have a master’s,” I would think, while mentally popping my collar. Well, I quickly became a master at accepting mass rejections!

While I had a very specific degree, my actual work experience was laden with positions that were anything but. They ranged from customer service to analyzing reports. There wasn’t anything that screamed “Communications professional right here!” I always found ways to work in my passion for writing and internal communication, but those experiences faded on resume paper. Thus, it appeared to the weary eyes of recruiters everywhere that I was not qualified.

I decided that maybe I was setting my sights too high, and pursued positions that were somewhat below my capabilities. I effectively became the meat in the over-qualified/under-experienced sandwich. I had wallpapered the country with my resume but to no avail. I had a couple of face-to-face interviews as well, but there was always some extraneous circumstance that kept me from my goal. One position had just been filled (with my friend, no less!). Another potential boss ran a very dysfunctional ship (thanks, but no).

I had done all I could do. The resume had been tweaked to perfection. I talked the talk. I had the game face. But the right position just wasn’t there. The constant rejection or lack of response had become demoralizing. I figured maybe I had been going about it all wrong, and if I stepped back, my next move might become clear. I spoke to a friend and told him that I saw no choice but to take a hiatus from the search for a while. Three days after that conversation, the opportunity I had been working towards presented itself in my email In Box. After a month-long screening process, my goal was realized.

I am excited to say that I have accepted a position as a Change Implementation Communications Associate at Towers Perrin, a global professional services consultancy firm. This position seems tailor made to fit my experience, education and professional goals. Funny thing is, the opportunity came at the very moment I had decided to “let God and let go.” I established my goals long before, and worked very hard to see them to fruition. Looking back, it feels like I had been pushing on a door that clearly said to “pull.” I opened the door in the right direction, and my dream came right on in.

Just Jokes: Walking the Line between Humor and Racism

Today I visited the blog, Stuff White People Like. It offers a list of random things that, well, white people supposedly like. The tone is humorously informational, and the list includes things like sushi, dogs and recycling. It is completely general and even stereotypical, but this is readily understood (unlike the website, www.blackpeopleloveus.com, which appears to be satire, but lacks necessary humor).  

I was cautious as I wasn’t immediately sure if SWPL would be amusing or offensive. After perusing the postings, I deemed it light and funny. I didn’t read every comment for every post, but I was able to gather that the visitors’ consensus mirrored my evaluation, regardless of race. 

One visitor mentioned that if there was a similar site for black people, it would almost surely be considered racist. I have to agree. Even if the list for black people included stereotypes that weren’t necessarily offensive (chicken, gold fronts, pit bulls), black people are extremely sensitive when it comes to this brand of humor, especially if the author is not black. 

Background information about SWPL’s author(s) is not provided. The ‘Contact Info’ blurb on the front page of the blog asks ”Do you know of stuff that white people like that we don’t?” so it is assumed he/she/they are not white. This anonymity comes across as an intriguing necessity for the blogger, but leads me to a certain conundrum: I don’t particularly mind not knowing the identity of the author(s) if  don’t find the content offensive, but that changes when it is malicious or racist. 

Writing a blog of this type obviously opens the doors for odious and racist comments. An anonymous blogger gave an offensive list of things blacks and other minorities are fond of (welfare, shooting heroin, gang warfare). The person ends the list with “don’t you dare call me racist!!!” If you have an opinion, however unpopular, why hide behind anonymity?  

Too often in the online world, racists spew garbage but never have the gall to stand behind their views. And that works my nerves. But what appears to be cowardice for some is inexplicably acceptable to me in the instance of this blogger’s identity. Go figure.

It is my belief that jokes containing truisms about different cultures are okay, and that sometimes the black community can be a little too sensitive, albeit understandably. But there should always be an underlying thread of respect. There is chatter in the blogosphere about this very idea (see Understanding and Correcting Online Bigotry), and I think its well worth more exploration.

Super Tuesday Looms: Voting Race, Gender or (Duh!) Issues?

CNN has taken flak over the last couple of weeks regarding an article that posed a seemingly simple question about the South Carolina Primary: Will black women vote based on their race or their gender? Ironically, it’s the simplicity of this question that complicates everything. But with Super Tuesday upon us, it is well worth discussion. 

Many black women took offense to the article because of its superficial nature. It effectively reduced black female voters’ choices to race and gender only. This implied that instead of voting on the things that matter (national security, experience, government spending, etc), black women are torn between supporting – or selling out – their race or their gender. 

The comments posted after the article ranged from mild to hot. Most shook their fingers at the presumption that black women would vote using such meaningless qualifications. One reader cleverly pointed out that black women aren’t the only set that might think about race vs. gender, assuming that’s all that mattered to them. White men could be presented with the same “dilemma;” Clinton is white and Obama is a man. But that avenue is ignored.  

Others readers flat-out cried racism, which I believe takes the debate a step too far. I too was slightly offended. The idea that black women would focus on important issues instead of race or gender was mentioned as an afterthought as opposed to a decision-making priority. But I don’t think the question was racist. When CNN aired a piece about the article and subsequent backlash, one commentator compared the race vs. gender question to asking a Mormon voter if she will support Romney or not. Or asking a southerner if she’s more inclined to vote for a southern candidate.

Asking about race and gender in this election is valid, but it should not be left to stand alone when exploring black female voters. Let’s face it, we do vote on the issues, but we consider other more superficial factors as well. I am excited that Obama is black, that Clinton is a woman, and both of them have a viable chance at becoming our nation’s next president. For me, it isn’t about race or gender at all. It is okay for either to matter, but neither should be a determinant in choosing our next leader.

Deal With It: Treat MRSA Like We Should Have Treated AIDS

MRSA (methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus), commonly known as drug-resistant Staph, has been quite a newsmaker lately. This bacterial infection is fatal if it isn’t treated in time, and with costly intravenous drugs. But there’s been a new development. According to a Reuters article I read this morning, a US study has found that the infection is being transmitted at higher-than-normal rates during gay male sex.  

There was a time when the word ‘staph’ evoked images of unclean hospitals, or unregulated medical procedures. Now, the beginning of the AIDS epidemic is brought to mind. I was too young to really understand what it all meant at the outset. After studying it later, however, one word resonated: denial.  Denial was rampant, across multiple communities. Some groups rejected the idea that there was a “gay” disease afoot and neglected to take precautions to protect themselves. Others were way too eager to write AIDS off as something that afflicted only gay men, thus they left themselves open as well.  

Here’s what I’m thinking. This time, we have a good shot at actually getting it right. While this ninja stealth strain of staph might be attacking one group more than another, none of us are immune. And we have learned from the past that sticking our heads in the sand works 0% of the time. There are no fingers to be pointed, only solutions to be vocalized.

Chua Soi Lek - Another One Bites the Dust Due to Side Action

It certainly didn’t begin with Bill Clinton, but his sex scandal changed the scope of the public response to crises such as these. Oh, but wait—why exactly should public officials engaging in extramarital affairs even be considered a crisis? I have been asking this question since Lewinskygate, and am still waiting for an answer that makes sense. 

Malaysian Health Minister, Chua Soi Lek, just resigned his post after a DVD surfaced depicting him engaging in sex acts with a woman other than his wife. While this is certainly terrible for his family, I don’t understand why it has cost him his job. My position on this is hardly new, but it is one that will continue to stand each and every time we revisit this issue.  

We elect these people to do a job for us. Does Chua’s bedroom behavior hinder his ability to do the job for which he was chosen? According to the MSN article, he made great strides as Malaysia’s health minister. So why exactly did his infidelity cause him to resign his post? 

Sometimes, constituents take the position that to ignore is to condone. I wholeheartedly reject this notion. Some matters simply don’t belong in the public forum. If it was a case of sexual addiction that stood in the way of the normal ability to do the job he was elected to do, I’d understand. But his affair is something his wife and family should be concerned with, not the general public. 

If we don’t like the way an elected official lives his or her life, we have the power to reject them through our voting practices. But to hold these people to a higher moral standard than the rest of us seems extremely asinine to me. He isn’t a priest (I’m not opening that can though…), he’s a government official. Committing a crime is one thing, but an act of moral reprehension shouldn’t necessarily end a political career.

Cyber Sex in 3D - To Cheat or Not to Cheat

I have been reading a lot lately about Second Life and how so many people are gravitating towards it. It serves as an escape from the rigors of daily life, allows a person to be whomever they want and meet others they may not ordinarily come across in the real world.

An article I read about intimate Second Life relationships, however, gave me serious pause. The article asks, Is A Virtual Affair Real-World Infidelity? Initially I was unsure, and had more questions than an opinion. These people usually keep it to the space; they rarely call, email or meet in real life. But by the end of the article, I had wholeheartedly chosen a side.

An important part of the equation is defining infidelity. I subscribe to the belief that there are two types: physical and emotional. For me, if my partner fell for someone else and engaged in intimate conversations that should only be had between the two of us, I would be very upset. Given this fact, I would feel the same if I found that my guy was carrying on in Second Life with someone else. 

Second Life relationships can also go far beyond conversation. The characters can do pretty much whatever one can think of, including having sex. Although it’s only virtual, I believe a line gets crossed here. It isn’t like calling a sex line or something when you’re bored and randy; this is an interactive experience with two people who’ve made a connection. 

Sometimes, users develop a desire to be in Second Life more than their real one, or interact with their avatar partners instead of the ones who are there in the flesh. These instances serve as a testament to the dangerous potential this type of affair has. Even if the two don’t ever meet in real life, the aftermath can mimic that of traditional affairs. 

So my position is that while Second Life may be a cool escape, I say no to affairs in that space if you’re taken in real life. If you feel a need to go there, maybe you should reevaluate where you are and what you want, or why you feel you can’t be who you want to be with your mate.

Got Good Grades? OMG, u cn txt ur bff if u do!

I read an article on Advertising Age about a new program on the horizon for New York City public schools. The program would use interactive cell phones as incentives for kids to perform well in school. I put myself in a teenager’s place and tried to think of what I could be bribed with to do well in school. I’d have said “score!” on the cell phone. But the article prompted me to think further about the use of incentives as performance motivators.

Old-school thought says that children should not be given rewards for doing what they’re supposed to do in the first place: go to school and get good grades. Others believe that incentives are strong driving forces in general, so why not use them to garner positive results?

My nephew in middle school is one smart cookie. But he works harder when the fruits of his labor are tangible. Surprisingly (or not), he doesn’t yet hold value in education alone. But he can add, so if he’s promised an amount of money for each A earned, guess what he’s working towards?

I believe that the truly accomplished among us have natural driving forces within that exist beyond the realm of external incentives. But a little extra motivation doesn’t hurt. And sometimes, it takes something extra to awaken that internal drive. This sentiment also goes beyond the scope of school-age kids.

When thinking in terms of employee engagement in the workplace, sometimes an incentive is all it takes to get workers involved, motivated and maintaining optimistic thoughts about their workplace. Most of us don’t have the luxury of being in love with our jobs, so the promise of a reward for good work can help to keep us going.

The proposed cell phone program has to contend with more than just opposition to incentives. It’s the technology itself that has some worried. Cell phones are already banned in most schools across the country, so use during school hours may not be permitted. That means that giving them to kids for the sake of academia could pose more than a slight problem. It’s almost like giving a kid some chocolate in the morning, but telling them they can’t have it until after dinner. It’ll be interesting to see how they contend with the challenges in this program, and if it will be seen to fruition.

Crack Cocaine Offenses - Sentence Reductions on the Horizon?

Since I first studied the introduction and rise of crack cocaine in America, I have been acutely aware of the disparity among races with this particular drug. In those days, whenever a “crack head” was mentioned, I got a mental image of a poor, dirty, black man or woman who would do anything for a hit. It did not dawn on me that I associated race with this image until I examined the issue academically. I later learned that this mental picture was no accident.

The debate about this particular drug has long been brewing, and one of the major issues involved is race.  Crack is a cheap derivative of powder cocaine, but is more potent and potentially more addictive. This spelled disaster among already struggling populations. Because of this, accusations that crack was intentionally planted in black communities was born.

Intentional infiltration or not, the reality is that poor black communities are hit hardest by crack cocaine. Not only that, but the attack is on two fronts: the negative effects from using the drug directly, and the sentences that are handed down in courts for offenses involving crack.  An independent panel is now considering reducing crack cocaine sentences at the federal level. There’s talk of making the change retroactive, which would mean that thousands of offenders would be released immediately. And going forward, the sentencing for crack cocaine offenses would more closely match those of powder cocaine.  

Naturally, there is an element of fear associated with the idea of freeing a large number of criminals. But I don’t think this fear should override the desire for equitable treatment in the judicial system. It is widely known that blacks make up a disproportionate amount of the incarcerated. This step would be the beginning of righting that wrong. What I would like to know, however, is whether the message will be misconstrued. In keeping with Whitney Houston, crack is still wack. But I can’t help but think some offender might see this as a relief as opposed to what it is: a deterrent that’s been made fairer in terms of the law.

When We’re Ready For Truth…

Talking about ‘Dog’ Chapman Sorry for Using N-Word

I have had enough. And it’s not what you think. I’m not angry about all these prominent people getting caught using the word “n*gger.” That is simply putting on display what I’ve always know to be true behind closed doors. I am tired of these lame attempts at damage control. They insult my intelligence. The excuses, the half-hearted attempts to make amends, the sloppy clarifications and the meetings with black religious “leaders” are all thinly veiled attempts to hold onto a career. They aren’t quests for self-discovery, sociological enlightenment or atonement. It seems like everyone is using the same formula, and no one has sent the memo that it’s ridiculous. Um, MEMO!

Duane “Dog” Chapman was caught on tape using the word “n*gger” like water running from a tap. Yes, I was offended. Especially since he seemed to understand that the word is hurtful and wrong. But instead of making a decision not to use it, he tells his own son that he can’t date a black woman because he doesn’t want her to hear them using the word and get the wrong idea. Right… Chapman puts more foot in his mouth when he later says his stance on his son’s relationship was not about her race or the possibility of her happening upon a racial slur, but her character. Funny, he never mentioned ONE WORD about her character during his recorded tirade. The whole clip was about his freedom to use the word n*gger without the threat of losing his career.

We will never resolve the issues of racism, bigotry, hatred and prejudice if we can’t even have an honest dialogue about it. That man isn’t sorry he said those things; he’s sorry he was caught. The story is the same every time, and it isn’t just the black/white issue. I’m strong enough to handle the idea that people like this exist, so I’m strong enough to explain to them why it hurts. Likewise, I’m strong enough to hear why they think it’s okay to believe or act the way they do. I only wish we all had the strength to deal with this in a real way, not just putting a bow on an empty box.